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By
Catherine M. Pruissen
No
matter how hard we wish them to be, children aren't
responsible by nature. It is something they have to
learn from caring adults. It is something they have
to be taught. Lucky for parents and caregivers, children
can be taught to be responsible very early in life.
Even
an infant can learn to feed himself while he enjoys
the company of hisfamily at the dinner table. From
that simple chore he gains satisfaction in being able
to reach for, and actually succeed in using his hands
to get that delicious piece of fruit from his bowl
and into his mouth. Give him a piece of paper towel
and an encouraging smile while you wipe up his spills,
and he'll be more than happy to help you clean up
the mess. He may make things a little tougher on you,
but what you're teaching him in those extra few minutes
is that a family that works together can accomplish
anything.
Toddlers
too, love to feel that they are able to do things.
Ask a two year old if she would kindly help you put
the plastic glasses on the dinner table and watch
her face light up. Give her a lot of encouragement
and praise when she does a simple thing like put her
pajamas back in the drawer in the morning and she
learns the value of doing something to help without
having to be asked.
As
they get older and their abilities increase, so too
should their level of responsibility. Preschoolers,
for example, can do, and if they are given the task
of being in charge of simple things like emptying
the wastebasket on garbage day, bringing in mail,
or using the handheld vacuum to clean up the crumbs
around the table, actually love being helpful. Now,
give your child a star for each task that gets done
on their weekly chore chart, and they become more
than willing participants in the household duty roster.
Teaching
children responsibility at an early age:
-
Builds confidence as a child learns that she can
do a new task.
- Shows
them that they are valued members of society, that
in their own little way they can do simple things
that make a difference in their life, and in the
lives of others.
- Builds
work ethics. When a child knows he is expected to
follow through and complete a given task, he gains
a healthy attitude toward work and more importantly,
teamwork.
But
as we all know, even though we have capable little
beings in our midst, getting them to keep up their
end of the chore list is not always an easy task.
In her article Teaching
children to be responsible, Diane Banner, a School
Psychologist in Clay County, Florida offers parents
this advice:
-
"Set an example of respect: Be on time
for appointments, return extra change to a cashier,
finish necessary chores before relaxing, and speak
respectfully to children. If we do not model responsible
behavior, there is a very strong likelihood that
our children will not either.
- Communicate
effectively: Expectations and rules should be
stated clearly and positively to children. The reason
for rules should be given so that children develop
an awareness of their helpfulness and the respect
they gain when acting responsibly.
- Allow
children to set goals, make choices and solve problems:
Children need experience in being responsible
decision-makers. Involve them in setting household
maintenance goals and chores. These can be displayed
in a chart on the refrigerator. Encourage children's
responsible participation in decisions by presenting
them with acceptable choices clothing selection,
television viewing and free-time activities.
- Allow
for natural and logical consequences: Children
who do not act responsibly should experience the
effect of their actions. If toys are not put away,
they may be taken until the child demonstrates better
care for them. Saying "no" and setting limits may
be the most responsible of parental behaviors."
Of
course doing chores need not be all work and no play.
Elizabeth
Pantley, author of Perfect Parenting and Kid
Cooperation suggests parents host a Bonus Day!
"Once in a while, just for fun, have a "Coin
Collection Day," writes Pantley. "Prior to having
your child complete her chores, hide pennies, nickels,
or dimes around the house under the items that need
to be cleaned. When all the chores are done to your
satisfaction, the child gets to keep the bonus!"
Pantley
also says that parents should take the time to teach
their children new chores. "Don’t assume that
since your child has seen you do the task that she
can do it herself. Be very specific in your instruction
and demonstrate step-by-step as your child watches.
The next step is to let your child help you, followed
by your child doing the chore as you supervise. At
the point you feel that your child has mastered the
job she can take over responsibility for it."
Finally,
to help keep those adorable children on task, many
parents find that chore charts work wonders. A chore
chart allows your child to place a sticker, or use
a marker to check off those chores that have been
completed. Make the chore chart a family affair, and
the child can see that not only are Mom and Dad responsible
for things such as laundry and cutting the grass,
that big brother has to pitch in too by sweeping the
floor and taking care of the doggie dodo in the back
yard.
Children
at the child care centre can also learn about responsibility
and gain that sense of accomplishment and self-matters.
The chore chart can be used for such things as putting
the toys away before story time, sharing the table
setting duties, and checking off the chart before
they leave to ensure they have all their belongings
before they head out the door.
Resources:
Teaching
children to be responsible,
By Diane Banner School psychologist, Clay County District
Schools, Florida Times Union Wednesday, November 17,
1999
Perfect
Parenting, The Dictionary of 1,000 Parenting Tips
by Elizabeth Pantley, NTC/Contemporary Publishing
Group Inc.
Foxxie
Bear, Star Helper - A Book About Responsibility,
by Bonnie Worth, Grolier Publishing. (Available
in our Online Catalog).
Other
Helpful Resources:
Chore
Chart and Reward Chart, complete with stickers
and ready for laminating, from childcare.net.
Available in printed form or for instant download.
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