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By
Catherine M. Pruissen
For
many of us, the word discipline conjures up images
of spanking and verbal whippings. Such were the discipline
methods of our parents. Luckily for our children we
know that such punishment is ineffective. Furthermore,
it is downright dangerous.
Our
job as parents and child care providers is to teach
our children appropriate behaviour, to instill a sense
of self-control, to teach respect, and to help our
children to learn to manage their emotions. It is
a lifelong process that requires consistency, understanding
and love.
Children
misbehave for a number of reasons. Sometimes they
are tired, sick, or angry when things don't go their
way. There may be a lot going on in their little lives
that they are having trouble dealing with, like the
arrival of a new sibling or the parent's separation.
Understanding the causes of misbehaviour can help
you and your caregiver choose an effective method
of guidance.
Effective
discipline begins with love, says Dorothy and Robert
BeBolt, in their brochure, Discipline Is Love. "Always
let your child know that he is good but the behaviour
at the moment is not good. In other words, condemn
the act but not the child."
Other
guidance strategies include:
- establishing
clear, consistent and simple limits. For example,
"No running in the house.", or, "We
clean up before we go outside to play.";
- explaining
the reasons for rules when necessary, like, "We
don't throw blocks because we could hurt someone
or break something.";
- being
positive in your approach - saying something like,
"Hitting the baby will hurt him." instead
of "Don't hit the baby.";
- letting
your child know what is expected of her, for example,
"In our house we have three rules. You may
not hurt yourself. You may not hurt others (hurt
can be emotional as well as physical). You may not
hurt things (like toys, the furniture, etc.).
Positive
discipline works well when good behaviour is reinforced
with hugs, kisses, and words of praise. Children instinctively
want to please. When you thank them for behaving appropriately
you acknowledge their good actions, giving them a
clear indication of what is acceptable. Other guidelines
include being prompt, taking control of your emotions,
thinking before you act, and avoiding empty threats.
What
actions should you take when your child misbehaves?
Some tired and true methods include redirecting your
child's attention; using time out to give an ill-tempered
child a chance to cool off; removing privileges like
television or a favorite toy; explaining why the behaviour
needs to be corrected; helping the child to find better
solutions to her problems; providing opportunities
for the children to make amends; and in severe cases,
holding the child until he calms down.
While
each situation will require its own form of discipline,
caregivers and parents need to work together to establish
a set of consistent guidelines for certain behaviours
that will help the child learn what is and what is
not acceptable. And of course, children learn best
by example. "Your actions do speak louder than
words."
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